Which cat are you? The ten cats in Cat Census

01How you get one

Cat Census doesn't ask you to pick a cat. You answer questions about yourself, like how you handle a cancelled plan or whether you rehearse phone calls, and the cat that has been following you through those answers shows up at the end of the first chapter. Here are the ten it might be.

02The Loaf

Will not be rushed. Has never once been rushed. Loaf people are steady, unbothered and somehow always comfortable. They're the friend who is still sitting down when everyone else has left.

03The Gremlin

Perfectly fine all day until 3 a.m., and it knows exactly what it did. Gremlins are chaotic in a way that is mostly charming. Their best ideas arrive late at night.

04The Judge

Unimpressed since birth. Secretly paying very close attention. Judges notice everything and comment on about a tenth of it.

05The Velcro Cat

Goes where you go. Bathroom included. Velcro people are loyal past the point of reason, and they'll be the first to text after you get home.

06The Snoop

Sits on whatever you're reading. Calls it research. Snoops are curious about everyone, which makes them good company and bad at keeping a surprise party quiet.

07The Diva

Accepts compliments. Ignores everything else. Divas know their angles and have no plans to apologize for it.

08The Scaredy Cat

Saw a cucumber once. Never fully recovered. Scaredy people feel everything early, which makes them the first to spot when something is off.

09The Blep

Forgot the tongue was out. Will not be told. Bleps are the friend who is sincerely, happily a little bit absent, and nobody minds.

10The Old Soul

Has outlived two of your apartments and one of your exes. Old Souls are calm because they have seen this before, whatever this is.

11The Hunter

Chatters at birds through the glass. Has a plan. Hunters are driven and a little intense, and they will get the bird eventually.

12Find yours

The first chapter of Cat Census is free and takes about five minutes. Answer honestly. The cat can tell.